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The dog jumped up on the couch and put his head in Tommy’s lap. Tommy wrapped his arms around the dog and let himself cry, mourning the life of a man who’d been larger than life to Tommy. His father had been his hero at one point, and even with the disease, Tommy never thought he’d lose him this fast. It was like he was here one day and in a blink of an eye he wasn’t.
Tommy felt his phone buzz and he reached for it, hoping it was Bear telling him that he was on his way. He was disappointed when Bear’s name didn’t flash across his phone screen. It was selfish because Tommy knew Bear had lost the only friend he had left in this life, but the little boy in Tommy who just lost his father needed Bear to navigate this. He had no clue how he was supposed to go on with this huge hole inside of him now.
Tommy opened the incoming text message. It was Bishop, telling him he was heading up to the safehouse. Tommy had called him as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with Bear, knowing Bishop needed to hear of his father’s death before the news would no doubt break all over the media outlets. His father had been one of the last surviving and thriving Dons of New York City. His death wouldn’t go under the radar like a regular civilian. His father’s entire life was going to be on display: the good, the bad, and the worst. Everyone was going to have an opinion, and all eyes were going to be on Tommy now more than ever.
Will the son follow in the father’s footsteps, and if he did, would he be as great as his father?
Tommy scoffed, already seeing the news headlines. They were going to dredge up everything they could, and they were going to be wrong. He wasn’t going to follow his father but honor his mother’s wishes by carving out a new life for himself.
He closed the message, seeing Naila’s name in one of his most recent texts. It was from the last time he’d seen her when she showed up at Valentino’s. He texted her to make sure she got home okay and that was the last of their communication. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of her wrapped around him on his father’s desk. The way she praised his name when he saw her eyes water. That was their final goodbye; he felt it in the way they made love to each other one last time.
Everything in him wanted to reach out to her now, knowing she could offer him a space to mourn his father that was safe and understanding. He wanted to feel her arms wrapped around him while he buried his face in her neck and let him feel the emotions he was going to have to keep bottled up when he faced the world. He couldn’t be soft, not with Mikos and whoever else was out there ready to take what his father held on to for so long. He had to be the man the world thought he was—his father’s son—at least until the power shift was official and Bishop was the one running things.
Tommy leaned back on the couch with his dog in his lap and the phone gripped in his hand. He opened Naila’s text, wondering what would be better for her, hearing the news about his father coming from him or the media.
If he texted her, he was opening up yet another door for them, and it wasn’t their time yet. He couldn’t get involved with her until Mikos was dealt with. Naila was too important to him for Mikos to believe Tommy parading around a different chick a week was nothing more than a show.
He closed the text message and pulled up a different contact. He already felt like shit, but this had to be done to keep up appearances. He dialed the number, and she picked up on the second ring. “I’m going to need you.” He rattled off a couple of dates and addresses and quickly hung up. He let his head fall back on the couch as exhaustion set in. He closed his eyes but knew sleep wouldn’t come for him. No, Tommy probably wasn’t going to know what it meant to rest until the war he knew was on its way was over.
Tommy heard the soft click of the front door and cursed. He wanted this time to be alone—needed it. He hoped whoever it was had only forgotten something and left just as quickly as he came in. The dog’s head picked up and he jumped off Tommy’s lap, which made Tommy sit up a little straighter. He held his breath, hoping the person walking through the door was the one he needed, and as soon as Bear’s body came into view, Tommy broke down.
He closed his eyes again, his walls crumbling as the tears he knew he needed to shed washed down his face. His body shook, both with grief and relief that the only other person who would know exactly what he was feeling was here.
“Bear,” Tommy whispered his name, not recognizing his own voice. Gone was the man Tommy was, and in his place was the scared little boy who had just lost his father, the only parent he had left.
“Ah, kid.” Bear’s voice was rough and thick with emotion as Tommy felt Bear sit beside him and wrap his arms around him, engulfing him in a hug. Tommy’s body fully relaxed into his hold, not worrying about keeping a brave face or having to man up in front of Bear. He was one of the only people aside from Naila that he could be completely naked and vulnerable in front of and there would be no judgment. Bear always held space for Tommy to grow, learn, and feel things this life would have tried to beat out of him.
Bear continued to hold Tommy as he cried harder. Tommy felt like shit for drenching the front of Bear’s shirt and instantly pulled away from him.
Tommy wiped his face, realizing Bear had lost someone too. “How are you?” Tommy knew it was a stupid question. They were both wrecked.
Bear rubbed the back of his neck. “Tired. But don’t worry about me.” Bear dropped his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. “Where’s your head at?”
Tommy shook Bear’s hold off of him. “Don’t do that. Don’t push your feelings aside for me. I know the friendship you and my dad had. My mom talked about it often and so did my dad. He loved you—blood couldn’t have made you guys closer. I know what you’re feeling on some level because I feel it too. The hole that’s suddenly there now, like something has been ripped out from inside of you.” Tommy stood and started pacing. His overtired body and mind needing something to do to keep him from holding on to the anger he was feeling at losing his father.
“You don’t need to protect me from your feelings, Bear. You also don’t need to be this unfeeling machine with me. I know it hurts you. I can see it on your face. Don’t shut me out in this. I’m not sure if I can handle that.”
Bear stood up and stepped in front of Tommy to stop him from pacing. Bear shouldn’t have been surprised Tommy had been able to read him as well as he did. Bear was slowly dying on the inside. Every last person he made his family—his true family—had been taken from him one by one, and as Bear gripped Tommy’s shoulder’s that inkling of fear he had since he thought Tommy was hurt after Naila’s car exploded seemed to morph. It grew wings, taking residency in the pit of his stomach. Tommy was the only family he had left, his only connection to Aurora and D. If he lost him, Bear wasn’t sure how he was going to survive.
He knew the transition of power was already in place, but news of D’s death was going to create a vacuum seal, sucking in every Tom, Dick, and Vinny into New York City with stars in their eyes and guns in their hands. They already had their hands full with Mikos. It was going to be equally as hard taking anyone else on looking to make a name for themselves by going after D’s only heir.
Bear patted Tommy’s cheek. “I love you.” Those words were never spoken in this life because love usually wasn’t strong enough to withstand everything this life could put it through. He’d known D all his life, and Bear couldn’t remember if he ever told him he loved him. They never needed to say the words—at least, Bear didn’t think they did. From the day they met, Bear and D had a bond that went unspoken, but now that he was gone, Bear wished they had talked more—or at least that he had told D that he loved him.
Bear closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, thinking about all the things he and D had seen in their lives and all the things that D was going to miss out on. “Your father was my best friend. I saved him from getting jumped when we were kids, and he saved me from my father. We were always saving each other.” Bear felt the first whispers of a smile tug at his lips as memories bombarded him. “We were always getting each other into shit too.”
Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m not even surprised by that.”
“This life is hard, and it would have been harder if we didn’t have each other. I’m hurting, not only for myself but for you too, Tommy.” Bear was going to take a page out of his relationship with Cam. They were open with each other, and he was as honest as he could be with her. He needed to treat Tommy with the same respect. Their relationship had always been one of ease, but it was one-sided. Their dynamic had changed when Tommy stepped into this role, and their dynamic was going to change again and again. Each dynamic needed Bear to show up and be honest with Tommy.
“I don’t know how we’re going to do this.” He gripped the back of Tommy’s neck and pulled him closer to him. “I never dreamed this life would turn out the way that it did.” He leaned his head against Tommy’s like he’d done when he was a boy. The two of them had somehow managed to go through the most important losses together.
“For the first time since I was a kid, I feel truly alone,” Bear whispered the words, letting the weight of them sit between him and Tommy. He was choosing to expose a part of himself to show Tommy when he sat alone in the dark with his thoughts and memories, Bear knew what it was like to mourn and feel utterly alone.
Tommy’s body shuddered, “I want to tell you that you’re not. You have me and Cam, but I understand. I feel it too. The void. I never had a friendship like the one you and my dad had. He was the constant, even when I was mad at him. I know you’re here physically, but you can’t sit here with me in this. His loss hits you, but it still hits you at a different level than it hits me.”
Tommy pulled away but not far enough for Bear to drop his hold on him. Bear stared
at Tommy, who looked so much like D it hurt to give him the respect of looking into his eyes.
“This pain will never go away, will it?” Tommy questioned, and Bear shook his head. He still mourned Aurora and the crew he once had. The pain had become a companion he feared he’d be lost without.
There was a knock on the door, and Bear patted Tommy on his cheek, clearing his throat. It was showtime for both of them. Whatever they were going through had to be buried. They weren’t allowed to show any signs of weakness or cracks in their demeanor. This world was a cold one, and until Tommy was cleared from this life, he wouldn’t have the opportunity to break down, unless it was in private.
“You get used to the pain. It becomes more of an ache that’s bothersome, but it won’t kill you. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but you need to bury what you’re feeling. The world needs to see you as your father once was—unmoving—and that’s to anybody who isn’t me. Whatever your father’s death brings won’t be easy for any of us.”
Tommy nodded and walked toward the door with the dog on his heels. He heard Bishop’s familiar voice as soon as the door opened. They made their way back into the living room, and Bear could see it in Bishop’s eyes; he was feeling remorse for D’s death.
“I know you’re about to get tired of hearing it, but I am sorry for your loss, gentlemen.” Bishop pulled at the collar of his shirt and the hairs on the back of Bear’s neck stood up. Not even twenty-four hours had passed and the pile of shit they were about to step in was growing.
“I know now isn’t the time to bring this up, but my contacts found Mikos, or I should say, he allowed us to find him and who he’s been running with.” Bishop looked at Bear. “You and D sure outdid yourself. Who’d you piss off in Chicago?”
“THE DON IS DEAD.”
“It was reported last night the alleged crime boss, Tommy Delucia, passed away in his sleep. As many know, Tommy Delucia has been on the scene most of his life, quickly rising to power in one of the most notorious crime families in this city’s history. A source has confirmed that some officials are worried about what his death would mean for New York. Is this the end of the so-called mafia or the beginning of a new mob war? Tommy Delucia leaves behind a son and his long-time friend and associate Anthony Bellucci. We’ll have more on this later this evening as new information gets reported.”
Naila ran to the bathroom, her stomach not able to handle the taste of her toasted buttered roll and the news that Mr. D had died. She made it just in time as she threw up in the freshly renovated bathroom Tommy had redesigned for her. She sobbed into the toilet as tears came in between her dry heaves.
She missed him and her heart hurt for him. She knew what the relationship was like between father and son. It had been rough when her and Tommy met. There was a rift between them because Tommy wanted to be his own man, but his loyalty and love for his father had pulled him back in.
Naila sat on the floor when she knew her stomach wouldn’t revolt again and placed her hand on her belly. She could feel the life inside of her, and it brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. Tommy and she had created this little life out of a love neither one of them had been ready to say goodbye to. She was going to have to tell him at some point, but now with the death of his father, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever get the chance before the baby was born.
She knew with the news hitting the media outlets, Tommy was going to pull away from her even further. The need to cut off any ties would be dug deeper. The anchorman had already made the connection about Mr. D’s death making New York an open playground for anyone to come in and try to take over. They didn’t just have to worry about Mikos now—it was whoever else was out there too.
Naila’s doorbell rang, and she groaned before standing to her feet. She knew it was Luca. He had a key, but he was respecting her enough not to come in uninvited. She wished her baby brother would extend that same courtesy to her love life. Luca had several opinions on her pregnancy and getting involved with Tommy. He also had opinions about Cam and Bear that he wasn’t shy in expressing, even though Naila told him a million times his opinion wouldn’t change anything. She was still pregnant, and Cam was still with Bear.
Naila walked toward the door. “Who is it?” She tried to sound pleasant, but she couldn’t muster up the strength to be fake about it.
“I do have a key, you know.” Luca’s tone was just as bitter as hers had been.
Naila unlocked the door and opened it to see Luca with a cup of tea and brown bag in his hand. He shoved it at her. “The tea helped Aria’s mom with her morning sickness, and she loved warm, plain bagels with small amounts of butter. It helped settle her stomach.”
Naila took the peace offering on a sigh and stepped back to let Luca in. He walked into her kitchen, his gaze on the TV, which she had left on. The news on Mr. D’s death long since passed, but she knew it was probably coming up as an alert at the bottom of the screen.
She closed the door and took a whiff of the tea, and when her stomach didn’t turn, she took a sip, letting the liquid warm her insides. She murmured her thanks, tossing the bagel on her counter. She decided to forgo the bagel until she was sure her stomach wouldn’t start a rebellion.
“Where’s Aria?” Naila wondered about her adorable niece. When she was around, Luca was a little more pleasant to deal with.
Luca smirked at the mention of his daughter. “Paulie and Dad took her for pancakes and to the city. I suspect she’ll come back with a Build-A-Bear or some expensive ass doll.”
Naila chuckled and her hand instinctively went to her belly. All sorts of images of what her life would be like once this baby was born filled her head. She knew under normal circumstances both her brothers and father would love and spoil this baby. He or she would always feel wanted and protected. She could imagine the look on Tommy’s face when he held their baby for the first time—the love that would pour out of him made her heart melt.
She sniffed, her emotions already haywire, when she realized that her imagination wasn’t what her reality was going to be. Paulie was barely talking to her, and Luca was being a pain in the ass about everything, and Tommy? He didn’t know yet, and with everything that was going on, this baby news would be a burden he didn’t need.
“Hey.” She felt Luca’s warm palm on her arm, and she looked up to see worry etched on his face. “You okay?” His concern seemed real, and maybe it was, but she knew how he felt about the Delucia’s. He hated this as much as he still hated them.
Naila pulled out of his hold and reached for the bagel. She took a bite of it, secretly hoping it would make her sick and she could have a good excuse to kick her brother out. “Why are you here, Luca?” she questioned in between bites. “You’re not happy about this. You’ve made that clear on numerous occasions.”
Luca let out a sigh. “I was obsessed with Aria’s mother when she was pregnant. I was so nervous I would fuck something up, I made sure to read up on everything I could. I know what you’re going through because I was already there. You’re alone, Naila. You haven’t told Tommy yet, and Cam is dealing with her own stuff, which I suspect is why you haven’t told her yet either.”
Luca moved and reached for her again. He grabbed the bagel and put it back on the counter and pulled her into a hug. She felt tears prick the back of her eyelids, and she grew annoyed that her emotions were all over the place. She wasn’t going to be able to sit in any meetings if she couldn’t keep herself in check. She dealt with men and women who didn’t believe she should be ahead in her own businesses, plus a few of them had issues with her ties to Tommy. The last thing she needed to do was prove to them she couldn’t hack it anymore.
“You’re my favorite sister, Naila, and while I can’t stand who you’ve fallen in love with and what they represent, you’re still my sister. I’m not going to leave you alone in this.” He kissed her forehead, and she sniffed into his shirt trying her hardest not to cry.